as usual.

I had some great epiphany I was going to share with teh world wide web....but then it took so long to log on, I forgot all about it.



we lost.

we lost, dammit.

we lost our local trout stream to progress.

I didn't do enough.
I didn't start soon enough.
I wasn't there, enough.

we lost that trout stream,
if only everybody knew the cost.

oh well.


too long for Facebook....

Website ideas, sometimes it's easier when I write it down? #brainfarting

And even if you can read my scribble...whatev's. And that's the thing, sorta, but not really...whatev's, meh. I've always held CVTU in the highest regard. 
I see it everyday, first thing in the morning, vintage CVTU hangs on my walls, decor from the bed to the bathroom. The legacy fills my bookshelves. It's not just about being able to catch a trout here or there in the here and now. It's about legacy as much as what can we do next? what do we need to do next, what needs to be done now? 
Which is why I get so strung out, so stressed and...well...you know, ya'll have seen it . This Presidenting gig isn't just about 'my' agenda...it's about carrying that torch that's been handed down...all the way down from Mr. Fox, 50-60 years worth. And preserving that legacy and doing right by it, by him and all of them whose shoulders I/we stand upon.  
Look, I know I'm rough around edges, I know I should bite my tongue at times and just go to bed....but this is a passion, which I don't take lightly, and don't ever expect to, and when I do, I'm done, when I don't care enough, I shouldn't be in charge. Isn't that a given?....ohhh to be where I was 10yrs ago, 37yr old peak bike racer....but tis what I is & tis where I'm at, because to be so otherwise would be a disservice...not like I just stumbled into this. So I soldier on, do the best to stay true, continue fighting the good fight and maybe even sneak in a bike ride or actually go fishin' every once in a while. Because, what else can you do?
I've got untold respect for the shoes I try to fill, only hope I do them justice....time will tell I guess.


back talk

today I 'back talked' the boss, 

"Don't tell me what I said."

Well, then don't fucking tell me what I did was wrong when it's you who told me to do so...he hung up on me.

Phone got thrown, desk almost got flipped, literally, but it's a heavy sum bitch....so it only ended up a-kilter on a collapsed leg after a push and a kick....find somebody else to fucking program and design on your fucking antiques...err, I mean, 'legacy equipment.'

I need a change, I fear, before I really snap....fuck.

Also, 4:15 appointment to get the tooth stitches out, sat in a chair until all about 6pm. Best healthcare in the world, right?


finding feet

this is a good article, trying to take it to heart:


Been trying to be a leader, thru compromise and trying to be 'liked'.
In order to keep order and just 'get things done.'

And what's actually gotten done during my time?

At this point, I can either throw in the towel and just fucking walk away.


I can take heed, not give one flying fuck about the petty bullshit, demonstrate I don't give fucks about petty bullshit and bang on thru with what I think is right, with what I think needs done and just fucking fight for what I think is right.

Show some fucking balls and start leading by example.

"I'm willing to put my neck on the line for this, are you?"

If the cause is just, maybe they'll follow....or not.

I can always just walk away, not like the pay is all that great.